Recently, I had to take iWof to the ER. He is fine, I only mentioned it to explain why I was at the emergency room.
While we were waiting, I went to the ladies room. As I was washing my hands there was a lady in a motorized wheel chair trying to wash her hands. She could barely get her chair close enough to turn on the water despite the ADA handles on the faucet. She reached for the soap, which was mounted about head high to an average height woman. I noticed her trying to balance her belongings on her lap while trying to reach the impossibly high soap dispenser.
Naturally, I walked over and offered assistance by pressing on the pump at the top of the dispenser. She thanked me for the help and then said something heart stopping. ‘You have no idea how hard it is [to be in this condition], I think it’s just time for me to go.’
I said, ‘NO. Don’t think like that. These things aren’t in the right place.’
She said, ‘You have no idea, nobody does.’ And she began sobbing. Then she reached for the paper towels. They were mounted over the counter at the end of the sinks. Even I had trouble reaching them as I wedged myself between the trash can and the counter to get as close as I could without getting wet from water splashed on the sink. The lady thanked me again and I got her some tissue, my heart was breaking. She was crying and dabbing at her eyes and I just couldn’t help myself. I’m not a touchy feely person. I struggle when people I don’t know well get in my personal space. But this woman needed a connection. Even in my total obliviousness I sensed her need. So I put my arm around her and patted her shoulder. I felt helpless. Useless. I wanted to comfort her, but didn’t know how to make that connection.
I said, ‘Can I get someone for you? What can I do to help?’
She said, ‘No, no, there isn’t anyone, I just need to die.’ Then she began sobbing so hard her whole body was shaking.
My heart completely broken, all my barriers down, I leaned over and gave that woman a two armed hug. I stroked her hair, leaned my cheek against her head, patted her back and babbled senseless soothing words. She just let it all out while I hugged her. She had a complete and humiliating melt down. And the only thing I could do to help her was just hug her and try to convey that though I couldn’t imagine what it was like to be in her situation, I understood the emotional pain.
When her sobs began to subside, she began to thank me and bless me. I tried to tell her it was nothing. But she said that wasn’t true. Then I realized I had left iWof unattended for quite a while and was worried. So I told the lady I had to go take care of my husband and asked her if she would be okay. She said yes, she would be fine, I should go, and then she said she would say a prayer for me.
I thanked her and left the restroom.
Hours, stress and drama later I had completely forgotten the incident as we wheeled iWof out to the car. The recovery nurse that they called in to take iWof’s case said, ‘Somebody is waving at you.’
I turned and looked through the glass and the lady from the restroom was wheeled up to the window. She mouthed, ‘Is everything okay?’
I nodded yes and gave her the universal A-okay sign with my thumb and forefinger. She was smiling and looked much better.
Later I wondered if I should have gone back in to get her name and find out her story. But it was 2:30 AM, iWof was heavily drugged and I didn’t feel it would be responsible to leave him alone at the time. Though I didn’t go back, I won’t forget her. I hope she gets what she needs. Maybe all she needed was a hug.
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